Rabid Hormones: is “true love” possible in high school?

We’ve all heard it… 

“I just got rejected by a serious crush.” “This guy I’ve been talking to just ghosted me.” “I told her how I felt and she didn’t feel it back.” “They only want me to make out with me.” “I’m thirstier than a fat dude after a summer marathon.”

Okay, maybe not that last one, but you get what I’m saying. 

The idea of “love” has always been really fascinating to me, since I don’t think I’ve ever personally been in love myself. Part of me is like, “love can go F itself, it’s not real” and the other part of me is like, “but I looooove love…” This feeling that literally drives people mad, you could even say “rabid”, foaming at the mouths just to experience a sliver of affection from someone else, is one I’ve never fully understood. 

When I started high school I told myself, I didn’t want to date anyone freshman year because it was a big transitional period in my life and I wanted to make sure that I was mentally stable before I brought someone else into it. I am now going in my senior year, and can say that I still have never dated anyone, and that is by choice. 

I’d see guys that were in relationships, put their arms around girls that were not their girlfriends in the hallway and girls who had boyfriends flirt with guys over snapchat. And maybe I’m just old-fashioned, but I didn’t want anything to do with the dramatics of the ups and downs of “what does this text mean?” or “are they flirting with me or just being friendly?” 

… Ain’t nobody got time for that. 

I began wondering why was it that teenagers are so fascinated by dating and love? Could love even happen in high school? Are we prepared for those feelings? What is the difference between dating and hooking up? WHAT EVEN IS LOVE?!

I asked a couple of my single friends why they weren’t in relationships. Was it their choice not to engage in this once sacred art of “courting” which is now a social event we call “dating”? And all of them pretty much had the same reply: “The lack of loyalty these days puts me off to all of it.” 

Their answers struck a chord with me since all of them had replied in similar ways. Like somehow, it was common knowledge that if you are in a relationship, loyalty isn’t something that should be expected out of it. That made me so sad and, frankly, confused because then why would anyone want to be dating someone in the first place? I don’t want to believe that all relationships are plagued with this all impending prospect of having your boyfriend or girlfriend cheat on you. No, no, no.

Where has all the fun and spontaneity gone? Does it only exist in story books and old 80s teen movies? Don't get me wrong here. I’m definitely not saying that all high school relationships are dominated by this cloud of infidelity and mistrust because I've seen some pretty intense couples that are truly relationship GOALS and what about those lucky couples who met their significant other as high school sweethearts? You can't forget about them. 

But in my opinion, it's become both incredibly difficult and incredibly easy to find someone to call your girlfriend or boyfriend. It’s easier because people are already constantly flirting with each other, so if you wanted to take it a step further, it wouldn’t even be that big of a deal. And yet, the fragility of these relationships are astonishing. Teenagers are put in an environment surrounded by other hormonal people and the want and need to explore is overpowering. High school is the perfect time to figure out what works and what doesn’t work for you. But still, be loyal to the people you’re with. 

And maybe this is off-topic but isn’t it annoying how you can always tell when someone doesn’t like you, but never when they actually do? If you’ve ever asked me, “If you could have one superpower, what would it be?” you’ve probably heard me respond, “The ability to tell when someone likes me.” I joke about it a lot with my friends, and they tell me that it's not a real superpower, but my god, I swear if it was, THE WORLD WOULD BE A MUCH HAPPIER PLACE. 

There's so many things stopping young love from turning into something wonderful: expectations from the people around them, parents’ disapproval, their friends don't like the person they’re dating, etc, etc, and honestly just the naivety of it all because nobody is really that experienced.

For those couples that somehow manage to get through all the stupid crap of disloyality or the thrill of the chase, and actually manage to establish themselves in a healthy relationship, then they are hit with the ageist BS from the adults in their lives saying that they’re too young to fall in love or even know what love is. But when adults say that these feelings of love aren’t real, then they’re also saying that all the other feelings we feel, like joy and anger and disgust, aren’t real either, which makes absolutely no sense to me. 

At the end of the day, love is a feeling that can be defined completely differently from the person next to you. And it scares people that they can never truly understand another person because if we could, we would become that person and that’s not how things work. We thrive in our differences because it’s boring to do otherwise. We can reach love when we are willing to accept that you will never know this person fully but are still willing to try. 

Humans are humans. We live and then we die. We know that things will not always go our way. So we create drama and havoc, we fall in love and we do drugs (or not… don’t do drugs, kids) while we’re on this planet to find some meaning. I say who gives a shit if “love” is or isn’t possible in high school. Why does it have to be one thing or another? Go out there see what you like and what you don’t, learn about how you want to be treated by others, and don’t take anyone’s bullshit. 

The truth is, we all want to feel wanted, feel loved. I know it’s hard not to feel unlovable and lonely sometimes, I often feel that way, too. You think, “I’d be nice if, just for once, someone liked me back or was the one that had the gigantic crush on me and not the other way around…” But the universe is a massive prick and loves to play games with our emotions, so you have to remember that just because your crush may not like you back, doesn’t mean you are not worthy of love. 

I’m sorry, this just got really sappy, but I can’t help it… it’s the truth. 

Honestly, it’s still high school and we’re all just teenagers trying to grapple with a concept that is bigger than the universe itself. To quote a friend: “‘True love’ is understanding, accepting, and inviting someone into your head and self.” Love for us is essentially a gateway drug into a whole new world. It exposes the people we could be and the things we could feel. We are invigorated by the concept of love and our meaning is valid regardless of what our friends or adults have to say about them.